Is Roger giving you a complex? I know, apart from being a Grass Court Champion, he is equally great on the hard shopping floor. Unlike you, I like King Roger 😉
Shopping with your wife or a female friend? I know, you are itching to ask me why not with husband or a boyfriend. Well, things are different. You know that, right?
Many confide in me, after a glass of beer, saying : “It’s like entering a labyrinth with no map, just hope; endless hours of outfit deliberations; the hunt for the ‘right shade’, and, of course, standing outside the trial room, purse in hand (because God forbid you might forget that).”
But some are very crafty. After sending her into the trial room, they are faced with two choices: actively assist or, like most men, wander off on your own "adventure." Whether it’s hunting down that elusive shirt you have been eyeing for, electronics counter, grabbing a coffee or, let’s face it, scanning the store for... Well, you all know how this goes.
There was this Wandering Bill. His wife emerged from the trial room, glowing in a new dress, eagerly asking, "How does this look?". Without even glancing at her, or understanding the question, this guy, completely distracted staring at some other lady, across the store, and in his daze, blurted out, "Hey, wow! You look amazing!"
What followed next was the real show. She gave him a look that could instantly kill, and then... BAM! Needless to say, no shopping perks for him. From what I heard [from him later], back home there was no food, no love, and definitely no goodnight kiss.
And then there was this classic ‘Trial Room Houdini‘ move. He was standing outside, dutifully holding the purse, expecting his wife to pop out in five minutes tops. Constantly, he was looking at his watch. Ten minutes pass... then twenty. At this point, I think, he started wondering if she has escaped through some secret tunnel inside the trial room. Finally, she reappeared and said, "The lighting in there is just awful, I need to try another store." That followed a commotion. Rare. Isn’t it? I was there.
Ever heard of “Fashion Expert Debate”? I didn’t either, until a friend told me that when the lady comes out in a dress that looked pretty much identical to the last five she tried on, and she asks, "Is this better than the last one?". At this point, you are dangerously close to losing track, so you nod and say, "Definitely!" Her response: "Wait. So the last one wasn’t good?" Now, you don’t remember even the color of the last dress. You are caught in a trap!
Not so long ago, I was accompanying my wife for shopping, just like our King Roger but not exactly for so many hours.
I was standing outside the trial room, her purse in hand, ready for the battle! I had this poor guy - Charles [I heard his girlfriend calling him up] sprint up to me, panting like he had just run a marathon, wanted to fetch water, and sit for a while somewhere. "Dude, can you help me?" he pleaded. His girlfriend was apparently still inside, in-between coming out and asking his opinion on different styles and colours. I said, “Go. Get a life”. And there, she comes out, searching for Charles, looks quizzically at me. When I told her he has gone to fetch water, still quizzical at me; with my smiling eyes, I said “That dress looks good on you”. She picked that dress, and before heading to the bill desk, took my number. I mean to call up for any future consultation. Law is such boring, I thought.
That day, I ended up helping two women —my wife and Charles’ girlfriend, and earned [just like they do in the armed forces] “Queens’ Colours” for giving enthusiastic thumbs up, and occasionally, rescuing other damsels whose boyfriends or husbands have vanished into thin air.
I don’t know about King Roger, but by the end of the shopping marathon, while those Wandering Bills & Charles get into trouble or vanish completely, I get thanked, smiled at, and rewarded a free wardrobe upgrade, courtesy, of course, my wife.
So guys, next time you are dreading that shopping trip, remember: play your cards right, and you might just get more than you bargained for. In the end, shopping with your wife isn’t all that bad, occasionally, she would not buy any after several trials but you stand an opportunity for free wardrobe upgrades and hero points for rescuing lost souls!
Now, it's your turn to give me likes, for this post atleast.
By the way, just like Ashnomics is free to read, so is my Styling Consultancy 😊
Great writing. Enjoyed it very much 😊
You are my Roger❤️