Lord Byron, an English poet [1788-1824], had once said, "Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine."
True. But to laugh, one needs to make an effort, and humour adds spice to our life. Nevertheless, when we connect laughter to cheap medicine, the medicine immediately connects to Doctors without whom our lives are just not complete.
The wonderland of doctors is not just injections, medicines, tests and advice and charging fees that are not easy with our pockets. Although compared with lawyers, we all will agree that doctors are far much better to live with and their charges. Right?
Given that, I think it is safest to comment and crack a joke on doctors than on politicians or even lawyers. The Government or the politicians hauled stand-up comedians who questioned them; even those who did not but assumed they could crack a joke were hauled up jails.
I recently came across an article that appeared many years ago in The New York Times, reflecting smiles, giggles and belly laughs may be good for one's health. However, a lot of research would be needed if Government were to allow laughter in large doses. Dr Donald W. Black, an Iowa psychiatrist in a medical journal, suggested that ''In an era of increasing demand for 'natural healing,' laughter has the potential that needs to be tapped.
Art Buchwald, a humourist, wondered why Medicare or Medicaid does not reimburse for laughter. In an age when doctors are transplanting hearts, livers and kidneys, ''Is it possible to transplant a sense of humour from one body to another?'' However, he cautioned the medical fraternity that 'There is still much scientific work to be done before the Food and Drug Administration will permit it to be used in large doses.'
I love this guy. What is life if there is no spice [humour] in it? And why the Government should put one behind bars? Is the medical fraternity is lobbying against laughter or the Government is ‘spiceless’?
Nevertheless, it is safest to joke about or make a parody of doctors. They are unheard of taking anyone for this to a laundromat. At the most, what they would do is give you a dose of mild laxative or send you for a host of pathological tests.
So here is about some doctors I crossed paths with, and you can, by all means, relate with those who you did.
We were usually taken to Dr Ambike in Pune for some minor ailments growing up. A roly-poly doctor who would hand a bottle of torrid red colour medicine to drink to whoever consults him, but not before giving a moniker to every young child as Pumpkin. I was a tiny thin kid and would take that as an insult and retort, calling him the one. He would roar in laughter not until I received a slap on my back from my mother.
A young doctor in my CRPF battalion would spend more time in the Officers' Mess learning table manners than in the medical room. The compounder there would concoct a cocktail of three different liquids - an equal measure of something sour, sweet and heady for the evening to go with or on a Sunday afternoon. Have you ever wondered if they do that more often in any shop of dispensing chemist or in a clinic?
But in a large Medical Hospital of a Group HQ, the scene was different. Dr(Ms) Suhasini, serene-looking Lady Chief Medical Officer and her colleague Dr J.Eapen will have a serpentine line of patients outside their chamber. They would patiently listen to complaints, a small chat and an equally small dose of medicines. And phew! They all go smiling back to their barracks or living quarters.
Dr Suhasini and Dr Eapen could handle that huge line of patients day after day because of their accurate diagnosis and pleasant disposition.
There will be more doctors whom I can shout out here. Still, the intention is to laugh together and say Sayonara to the everyday stress in the Covid times.
There was one, a very tall, dark and ferocious as Mike Tyson. I would find a huge rush at his clinic, including parents bringing in their kids with the usual cold, cough, and high fever complaints. The mothers would shut their wailing kids up, threatening them that the doctor would take them away if they kept crying. That was long, long back before that movie Sholay was released. I wonder if this inspired Salim-Javed to write the script for that movie. That's right, that Gabbar Singh kind of story. By the way, his name was M. Raj- you may hear it differently when pronounced.
The medicine he would give would bring down the high fever and stop your cold in just three days, only to resurrect after that, so you keep visiting his clinic again. He would source his medicines on credit, and when pushed for payment by the vendor, he would give them a ray of hope as on-setting monsoon would boom his practice. Scary, right?
Then, there is this physician I have been consulting for many years. He is a very organized, process-driven, and disciplined doctor, which reflects on his armed forces background. After hearing your problem, he will take out his BP machine and other implements to check your body temperature from inside your ear with a small gun. Quick and accurate diagnosis and a printed prescription would clarify all your doubts by illustration. Then, a whole 15-minute discussion followed by another 15 minutes sharing his thoughts on current affairs, no matter how long the patients wait in line.
What is your experience with paediatricians?
I came across this very affable Dr Somnath, who could calm any crying or violent child by handing a small toy or a soft toffee before examination or poking an injection. After that, the child would all be happy to visit him again.
But not so far away from Dr Somnath, this tall, well-built doctor with piercing eyes was always clad in white trousers, a white shirt, and white sports shoes - a Devil in Whites [just like Devil wears Prada]. He would appear in his dispensary teeming with cranky children and their exhausted parents, waiting for his godly appearance.
His two assistants would be waiting outside his chamber once a child is ushered in. At the go of the buzzer, they would storm in. The terrified child is already placed on the examination table by the parents. At the same time, one of his assistants grabs both arms, the other pins down the child's limbs only when the doctor puts his stethoscope and a tongue depressor in action. Once done, the child suddenly stopped wailing being felt relieved. One would equate the child's experience to that of when your masseur at the favourite salon says, 'there you are' after reducing your body to a pulp.
No, the drama was far from over. First, he would prescribe allopathy medicine with a dash of homoeopathy. Then, he will throw a dose or two of flower therapy to crown it at times. And, if he notices you under stress or continued stress on the next visit, then he would prescribe a tincture of flower therapy for you, too! On the flip side, he treated me for my office stress and anger issues with his flower therapy.
The clinic usually was stormed with thumb-sucking children, mothers incessantly removing that or giving a slap on the hand, some covered with hand gloves. The kids look happy when their mother is scolded to ignore that habit by the doctor—knowing not that he was the culprit for asking mothers to throw that milk bottle, the bane of all infections. That's the day when that kid tasted the magic of holding a glass! Perfectly.
Once, I entered a clinic of an eminent ENT Surgeon, wading through a sea of footwear at the entrance only to get submerged with, I am not joking, about 50-60 patients in a small hall. You don't get a prior appointment with the doctor, and it is always first-cum-first-served. The receptionist asked me which doctor I would like to see; to my declaration ENT Surgeon, she told me to take a seat whenever it is vacant.
The trauma of ear pain heightened when I saw a man coming out from another room with a plaster on his arm and leg. Did he fall from some chair, or was he pushed? Bewildered, I rushed to the receptionist to know what was happening. Nice young girl, she was. She calmed me, saying the ENT Surgeon's son is an orthopaedic and daughter-in-law a gynaecologist sharing this space. Unfortunately, the chambers do not carry the doctor's name, but she assured me that she would usher me to the right doctor. God is kind, and so was that girl!
A word of caution! Go always easy with Orthopaedicians. Unlike physicians, they deal with your limbs and should they find anyone laughing at their expense. Also, many of them have in-house X-ray machines, so you don't go missing on the pretext of obtaining an X-ray or other tests.
I have no known history of making fun of doctors except when I was with friends & relatives with a drink in hand.
You know, I recently had a frozen shoulder and saw the orthopaedic who summoned his assistant to get an x-ray done. Not satisfied it was normal, he walked behind me, remorselessly pulled my hand up and down, side and behind, while I was screaming with pain.
All the time, I was trying to recall the name of every friend & relative who might have turned me in. I would go and kill him if I find that out. But certainly not until my shoulder and arm were in good shape.
I thought the painkillers for ten days would do their magic. But no. I had one more trip and was put on a leash for another 10 days making me poorer by more than 3000 rupees and another round of ruthless turning and twisting my arm.
Annoyed, I went to another, ushered only after all appointments were over. The only trick was that I should have watched all the sports programmes streamed on a screen. Then, after a round of small talk, no new X-rays, no wringing of my arm, a bunch of medicines for the next 20 days, and a strict exercise regime, he declared all was good. All through this, the doctor was very cheerful that was contagious!
Well, nevertheless, be careful of orthopaedics. Rarely you will be a lucky one!! And certainly, in these difficult times, take care you don't rub the doctors on the wrong side.
At the same time, please read the nameplate at his/her clinic or google search before you visit. These days the Government has allowed naturopaths, Ayush, Unani and such others to use the prefix ‘Dr’ and prescribe even allopathy medicines. One never knows when the Government would even allow them to do surgeries. Not just Covid but the times are scary, otherwise!
By the way, it is comforting; so far, no doctor is subscribing to my newsletters here. So feel free and bold to comment on this post and share your experiences.