Muster the Monster

Ashok, you are already late to catch the right train. This year, your score of late marks should be lower to earn more increments, mind it. Sita screamed at her husband in a typical Rajinikanth style. And, out goes Ashok. While walking towards the railway station, he learnt a new management lesson - Less is more.

All working people suffer through their life at the hands of this Monster – The Muster. Life is horrendous if you are working in a metro city as you need to catch a local train or a bus or wade through gruesome traffic to reach the office on time. And, as if this is not enough, you have to meet this Monster and its self-anointed guards, calling themselves in charge of human resources, human capital, human resources development or such other fancy name as their mind runs amok. Things were quite normal before the 90s when the department was just known as Personnel Department. Period.

But any which way, generally speaking, these guys are either plain boring or annoying.

So, the Muster is an inseparable part of our life: from the time you are born when parents are obliged to register your arrival, record it in the Ration Card (a most important document which substantiates your existence, at least in Mumbai), your marriage, so on and so forth. But, all this is a one-time exercise or pain.

The enormity of the pain one endures daily at the workplace is unparalleled, indeed!

Before the emergence of new technology, physical Muster held the fort so its guards -The HR. Whether you travel in the company transport or on your own, you need to sprint through the building lobby, overtake the elevator queue and brush through the fellowmen to put your signature on the Muster every day. 

The moment the grace period after the reporting time gets over, Mr Srinivasan, the Personnel Manager, at his evil best, will not allow anyone to sign the Muster and start marking colour red against your name. Exasperated employees would scream :

Day after day and producing copious data of your score of attendance to the management. That would impact their annual increments but assuring himself in multiples as a loyal employee. Stories were making round that some chap stole the Red Marker Pen to dissuade Srini from marking late marks. It did not deter him as he picked the new armour – colour blue. 

Srini retires, Pamela enters his shoes. The story and the practice continues. Employees took things in their stride with worrying how they should face their better half at home.

Once taking over reins from Srini, Pamela altogether gave up joining us in the company bus to the office instead started taking a much earlier local train than her usual one from home. Such a braveheart she was, you know: as soon as the train enters the platform, she would jump into the train, turn to her right and grab a window seat. 

Grabbing a window seat in the rush-hour train in Mumbai is akin to climbing Mt.Everest! 

Once she reaches the then VT Station, she would jump into a taxi and drive the driver mad. All this exercise was only to be ahead of other employees trooping in the office and to manage the Muster.  

All through the day, each employee would grumble that he was late by a fraction of a minute, yet he still got a late mark. However, one would overcome the trauma when your boss, seeing you in office, would say thanks. And then, all hell breaks free. You chat up with colleagues, share chocolates and lunch and, of course, working hard to complete your task. 

Shakun, however, never gave a damn to all this stuff. She was a kind of a super cricketer - she would have a century or two, at times triple century of late marks in a year yet, despite being a diligent employee, would lose increments. She would smile off these irritants sipping on her Thums Up. It takes courage to have that attitude! 

Things changed, I joined another organization; the advent of new technology and an army of new Drags trooping - in the corridors of office [so-called power]; degrading employee as a mere human resource, identifying him with a number like one is a convict in Tihar jail. They changed the label of every document, every register, re-writing policies with vocabulary which made no sense and gave themselves fancy designations. They brought in swipe cards, log-in to the computer and biometric attendance recorders, so there are no Srinis or Pamelas anymore. The data then is seamlessly available to the top management team, who would decide what to do with the “delinquent resource”. These guys would come up with a new method of appraisal like ‘Bell Curve’ trashed universally. That is what the “paradigm shift” or that “disruptive practices” is all about!! ”Thud”…do I hear someone falling off the chair?

The casualty in all this, you could not hear thank you or see it in the eyes of your bosses when you are in office. The biometric attendance recorders are better, I heard. It mutters a welcome when an employee puts his thumb or index finger on it in the morning [ in some other office, if you are slightly late, the machine was programmed to say There you are ]. At the end of the day, when the employee is signing off, it says “Thank You”. Wow!! Bosses have long stopped saying thank you when they see you in the office but your colleagues.  

These days, the machines are calibrated well for niceties but the bosses. So, don’t worry, be happy! Did I hear you saying, artificial intelligence is better than human intelligence? Yes. You are right, man.