Photo by Gene Devine on Unsplash
Ah, the barriers.
In Part 1, we discussed, not discoursed, how the mountain of things weigh us down when we face the barriers as we cruise towards our goals. Luckily for us, the nature of each of these five barriers is disclosed. To recap, these are :
Ignorance that we could even ask.
The erroneous belief that the grantor knows what we want so, why ask?
Fear of receiving wrong or damaging answers/reaction/humiliation.
Pride builds resentment towards people in life.
Low Self Esteem -Not feeling worthy of asking & receiving help that we need.
It evoked a few responses:
But how do we surmount these barriers? How should we ask and when? I mean, what is the right time or situation or circumstance for that? Are there any workable tools? Questions aplenty. That's right!
Well, life isn't a fairy tale.
We must know and appreciate our gift? Do I hear you say, that beautiful mind? You are absolutely right. We need to figure out what we want and learn how to ask it. Don't look discombobulated if I say in Tharoorian [Shashi Tharoor] lingo.
Life with a beautiful mind itself is a gift. Life changes whether we like it or not. However, that gift of a beautiful mind will do nothing automatically for us unless we are willing to transform ourselves in sync with changing life.
Let us make it simpler. Life offers many choices, and each one of them comes with consequences - good or bad.
"Ever since Adam and Eve made the wrong choice, we have watched your actions down here with great interest and disappointment. But, unfortunately, when confronted with two choices, people usually make the wrong one." Og Mandino in The Gift of Acabar
So here are the Whoms, Hows & Whens:
Barrier No.1: IGNORANCE that we can ask.
Whom:
Know who is the grantor - A Parent, Sibling, Manager at work/superior, colleague or the Almighty.
How:
Like any other thing that we ask but be specific & cautious, always. In our growing up years, don't you remember that parents always said to speak or utter nice things because 'Life might be listening and may grant you that'?
Barrier No.2: The erroneous belief that the grantor knows what we want so, why ask?
How:
Life's Grantor gave us a beautiful mind to think and act. So your boss at work explained to you the terms & conditions of your engagement & other processes. But what you are asking or aspiring to is different, say an out-of-turn increment or a promotion, transfer to another department or change in your assignment or work schedule, whatever. He doesn't read your mind. So just ask.
When:
Well, in the lighter veins, if you are travelling on a crowded Mumbai suburban train and you need a place to sit, you ask the fellow passenger to adjust or accommodate, right? But at the workplace, you need to assess the situation or the circumstances. For instance, whether your company is doing good or bad, how has your performance appraisal been, and more importantly, the person's mood you plan to ask.
Barrier No.3: Fear of receiving wrong or damaging answers/reaction/humiliation.
How:
If you have been doing good at work, are on an advanced graph and what you ask is within the competence of your boss, or they can secure that for you and the nature of what you ask is specific, let us not have any fear.
When:
This is commensurate with the situation or circumstance at work. If your company isn't doing well, there is a reduction in jobs or a new CEO or a Group Head is taking charge at the helm, it certainly is a wrong time to ask what you want.
Barrier No 4: Pride builds resentment towards people in life.
I think we have read enough about how pride harbours arrogance or conceit and how it destroys careers, relationships, businesses, etc. You need weighty introspection if you feel it is beyond you to ask for something because of your success at work, academic achievements, qualities, and material possessions. If this hesitation is the bane of building resentment or anger towards people, the remedy is being humble.
To quote what ZT BLOCH-JORGENSEN has said in his book 'Freedom's Way - Engage your potential:
"Often, anger is the result of friction that develops between where we are, where we, in our hearts, we yearn to be...when we fall out of harmony with our life, anger develops."
I read somewhere - Anger is a potent spice. A pinch wakes you up. But, too much dulls your senses. So, learn to use it wisely.
Barrier No.5: Low Self Esteem -Not feeling worthy of asking & receiving help that we need.
How can we prevent this feeling from ever entering our minds?
Change happens - in life and circumstances without warning. Therefore, we must identify such change and make necessary changes in whatever we do and master over such situations. In other words, a self SWOT analysis and taking control of life.
Asking and receiving is the essential element of life. That beautiful mind is the gift from our creator. Therefore, nothing should preclude us from asking and receiving help.
Many thanks for your comments & questions! Keep communicating.
Good suggestions
Lovely read! :)