🔥 Weddings Gone Wild: Leopards, Loans & Low CIBIL Scores!🔥

But fun never ends !

Wedding season just got wilder—literally!

In India, dowry (cash or in kind gifts to the Groom) is illegal, but creativity is not. The brides have decided to flip the script. A lesson for all grooms who think they come with a price tag. That street now has U-turns, toll booths, and occasionally, full-on traffic jams.

There is never a dull moment in Indian weddings. From dowry demands to grooms getting 'kidnapped' like unwilling Tinder matches at a village mela. Imagine girls strolling through a fair, spotting a man, and saying, ‘That’s him, grab him!’ Now that’s what I call ‘Love at First Kidnap’! Love at First Sight is such LS.

Whether it is brides rejecting dowry, grooms getting reverse-auctioned, or PowerPoint presentations at Swayamvar —our weddings are a mix of Bollywood drama and modern swipe-right humor.

Imagine : The bride swipes left, your dowry demands are outdated! Or the groom complains, ‘I thought I was the catch, but here I am getting caught at the marriage mela!’

In certain tribes of Meghalaya, the youngest daughter inherits family wealth. Instead of giving dowry, the bride’s family holds power and property. The groom often “moves into” the bride’s home.

Among some tribal communities the tradition involves a woman symbolically abducting the groom to showcase her choice and autonomy, but with a twist - the man is expected to resist fiercely, yell and try to escape; a sign that he would be a strong and prosperous husband. Any little or weak resistance, would not impress the woman and her family. Simply rejected.

In certain tribes, a woman can choose her partner and stage an abduction to emphasize her decision. The "abducted" man is brought to her family’s home, where the marriage ceremony is conducted. This playful custom symbolizes the woman's independence in choosing a mate.

Forget Tinder and matrimonial ads, it is like speed-dating where women are not just swiping right—they are abducting their future husbands except the date involves the entire village and a dramatic ‘abduction’ and celebrations thereafter.

Bihar had a practice known as forced marriage where bride's family would abduct a groom and force him to marry their daughter, to avoid dowry demands. Though illegal and rare today, this was a real issue in the 20th century, especially for families struggling to pay dowry.

With the tables turned, grooms suddenly realize being part of the ‘dowry economy’ isn’t so fun after all. I can imagine, at the wedding venue, shaking nervously, the groom is whispering, ‘I didn’t want dowry, I just wanted to escape'.

In 2021, a woman from Kerala - God’s own country, called off her marriage because the groom demanded more dowry, and refused to join the ceremony. Instead of bowing to the pressure, she walked away, receiving widespread support for her bold decision amid shouts of women power. After all, Kerala is the State with 100% literacy rate.

Somewhere in Rajasthan, I heard certain non-tribal farming communities have flipped the dowry system. Grooms now have to “offer gifts” to win over brides. Educated, well-off men have openly admitted paying up, saying, “Love is priceless, but the bride’s family set a price."

Imagine a groom at a wedding saying, “I came with a baraat but left with an EMI.”

What all this signifies is, the tribal communities have been well ahead of curve compared to urbanised communities - These melas (events) highlight how certain tribal societies celebrate gender equality where women take the lead in choosing their partners.

In some modern Gujarati families, the bride chooses the groom in events inspired by the ancient Swayamvar system. These gatherings—formal yet playful—are like "live match-making shows" where men showcase their talents, earning laughs and awkward moments.

I don't know if there were any awkward display of floor sweeping or cutting veggies or buying grocery skills by men. Cooking is afar.

Once a groom made a PowerPoint presentation on "Why I’m the Best Choice." The bride picked someone else, and said, “I guess my Excel skills didn’t ‘marry up!”

You may have a Ph.D., a corporate job, or a top lawyer with huge salary, two residential flats, car etc. but at the marriage market—sometimes you are still auditioning for a talent show.

Now despite all these developments, in November 2024, in a Police versus Police case, a bride in Agra walked out of her wedding after the groom, a police constable, demanded a dowry of ₹30 lakh and refused to perform the main rituals unless his demand was met. The bride's father, a sub-inspector, filed a case against the groom, and got him arrested.

Weddings means Food and Fun. You may choose a 5- Star hotel or a posh club as a marriage venue. But at the end, guests would continue gossiping about chewy chicken, spicy spaghetti, burnt paneer tikka or for not serving Single Malt.

In most places, food fights at weddings are common—usually over the last piece of paneer tikka. But recently, it was over food shortage, and the groom almost got rationed out! And there was mayhem.

In Hyderabad, some time ago, the bridegroom family members and guests broke everything in their sight because they didn't find mutton pieces in the curry.

Courtesy : Times of India

Hosts have now become so wise and even insisting that guests shouldn't bring any gifts but blessings only. Now guests can't complain or fight over paneer or a chicken piece because they didn't pay in cash or kind. No consideration. No contract. No obligation. That's a good one. They surely paid a good lawyer for this.

If you think that was enough, wait. Recently in Surat the police received a call—‘Sir, there's an emergency!’ When police rushed, instead of a crime scene, they walked into a marriage hall where aunties were throwing puris like ninja stars, and men breaking crockery. Smart DJ suddenly re-mixed sirens into the beats!

Police probably warned them if they are fighting over a piece of paneer, let us put you guys in jail where you won't get properly cooked roti. Paneer never.

And then, the couple ended up at the only place where the Police officers became wedding witnesses, proving once again ‘forget solving crimes, we can arrange marriages!’

New India, New Issues.

No more investigating horoscope, check CIBIL score of the bridegroom.

A few days back, somewhere in Maharashtra, just at the time marriage was getting solemnised, the bride refused to get married. Why? She found boy's CIBIL score was pretty low. So low, even the insurance agents would reject him. Forget dowry, the real red flag now is a poor credit history—because love might be blind, but EMI deductions aren’t.

The pandit was ready, the baraat was dancing, but the bride said, ‘I can’t marry a man who gets rejected for even a Buy Now, Pay Later scheme'.

Funny days are ahead in New India. The New Dating App Features will be:

Swipe Right if CIBIL score is above 750 (Financially stable, potential soulmate)

Swipe Left if it's below 600 (Red flag! This one might ghost and default!

Super Like if they have an 800+ score (Marriage material—likely has no loans but multiple credit cards with points and airport lounge access)😉

Hold your breath. There is a breaking news from Lucknow. A leopard, you heard right, a leopard entered the marriage hall. I think it roared "Where’s my prey? I swear I left it here last night!" The big cat must have thought, "First humans stole my jungle, now they’re stealing my dinner? Unacceptable.

Even the leopard knew that at Indian weddings, finding actual paneer in paneer curry is harder than spotting a tiger in Ranthambore!

While the confused DJ was playing "Aa Dekhe Zara, Kisme Kitna Hai Dum!" the guests—half running for their lives but carrying whisky bottles, half still holding onto their plates because "Son, you can't waste the biryani ". I think so.

The pandit quickly flipping through his mantras, wondering if there's one for "Leopard Shanti" instead of "Kaal Sarp Dosh Nivaran."

One uncle calmly sipping his drink was heard saying, "Arre, shayad dulhan ka mama hoga. Sab log shanti rakho!"

Before I wrap up,Bareilly Ki Barfi (news) tops this episode:

A bridegroom enters the marriage hall with friends dancing, all fully drunk. Picks the Varmala [Garland] and puts it around the neck of bride's friend instead of the bride, and then his male friend. I don't know if the bride gave him a tight slap but cancelled the wedding. It appears the groom represented himself as a farmer but turned out to be a truck driver. Ultimately landed in the police lock-up.

Who says wedding is devoid of a contract : Parties, representation, offer, acceptance, consideration, obligations. And of course, penalties.

Guys. Life, Love, Marriage and the Taxes all are complicated.

Change the Rules, Attitude and Take Care.